Wednesday, 15 September 2010

the morning routine

when I w w a a k k e e up
I lie in my bed
and lie
to myself that I don't need to
get up
the warm sheets that I cling to
never judge me for having a bad month
"just stay a while longer"
-they say
just like the body that's never
to me
I roll and turn, trying to find the elusive vein of sleep that I lost when I woke, and eventually I give up
I wander around the empty
s p a c e s
in my thought
filling each one with humming nothing
and then I get up
I look over my shoulder at the
chance that someone might see my lonely shame
and draw a cigarette out of my dwindling pack

I stole it from my parents
not the pack, but the indication that might let
me buy one
I move
and open
locks that
keep me in
I think about what I'm doing
and light up among trees and
dirt and leaves and the remains of my feigned apathy
and I think about you

we sat once, outside the dance hall
and the talking heads around us jabbered like a quivering blob
they said hurtful things but
we couldn't be touched
because we thought we had each other

this is usually when I cough,
and choke on your memory
and I couldn't describe it, I just
don't remember the words


when I look people in the eye
and they steal my energy
through opened valves of the iris
and black nothing in between
I can see you
and when I looked in yours
you just gave it back to me
with more than I needed
so I developed a taste for it
and that addiction causes
these horrible withdrawals
that I satiate with more smoke

1 comment:

  1. Pei Pa Koa ( ) is one of the few Chinese natural cough remedies that have been scientifically studied. it's something like herb plus honey, and it's sweet, thick and black in color. If you have a cough, look for it! It used to be one of my favourite natural cough remedies.

    if your cough persists, seek professional help such as traditional Chinese medicine physicians - I have had very good experiences with them.