for those that were with me, there, in the field

we vibrate in such ways

and to keep ourselves from shaking out of control, or

losing that way that

we vibrate

we must find others that quiver in the same

sort

of way

and maybe we find someone who is so close to the same

that we carefully contort our frequency to come close to theirs

and they do the same

we place delicate fingers on our dials, tweaking with such

care

that we are alarmed when someone might want to turn them for us

we reject change, unless it is one or two notches away from where we already are

I am 19 to 24 years old, and I shiver without Q's sometimes and

try not to repeat myself

I have spoken to mayan gods from inside a tent, borrowed from Tom, for the purpose of keeping me warm and out of the rain. He gave it to me in good faith and it was almost destroyed by the gibbering wonk.

but I stood my ground, and picked it up with brainwaves that shook the goblin that had plowed through it

the god spoke to me in murmurs.

it said

mumuh muhhuhmmumhuhhh

and I told it, lying, that I understood.

but I could've. (understood)

I could've lept from the top of spinning slides onto carpets of christmas lights, held up by fingers of joy and acceptance

I could've been shot by cannons of infinite death and the humming void and it would've bounced off my crystalline shell and dissipated without harm to others.

I destroyed minds with thoughts of divine perfection

I was buddah

and so were you

and there were geniuses with brains full of undead plants, telling stories full of guitar strings and the remnance of a cosmic infinity band that played brazilian soul and let us know

that we were right where we needed to be

our resonance was perfect, for at least two hours.

and if I close my eyes and warp the past, as I always do, we were perfect from the start

we shook together, on that english field, surrounded by every freak that wanted to keep a secret

and we failed at that

but at least we saw the laterns float away in droves, laden with the wishes of hopeful deviants, unaffected by the hatful glare of doubt, and fear

a week later, I floated off too.

but I carried a lantern with me